Envy

Envy is an interesting feeling. It gnaws at you. It creeps up from nowhere, suddenly. You see someone else having something and suddenly you just want to have it also. It could be anything, something small like a new pair of sunglasses, or something a bit larger, like a Maserati. Whatever it is, the feeling is the same. It is deeply affecting your mind and you feel you cannot be complete without having it, whatever that “it” is.

It doesn’t mean you don’t want the other person not to have it. You just also want to have it. Of course not the same thing, but the one with a couple of added features, the latest version, the upgrade, so you can top the other “something.”

Envy is an ugly feeling. It possesses you completely, from head to toe. It colors your rational thinking so that you can no longer think straight until you get that something. Once you have it, you sense enormous relief. You are happy. Your mental tension and aggravation have ceased to torment you. Now you are in a state of bliss. You’ve got it!

Now pride sets in. And you are in a position to look down on the other person who now has the “inferior” version of this desired object. Now you are in the position to be envied by others and you know it. You flaunt your new toy. You show it off. You present it to the world. But you also guard it and don’t tell anyone how and where you got it. You keep that a mystery. The mystery adds to your pleasure of possessing “it.”

What a way to live! What agony, what pain you are feeling all the time. And over what? A piece of something that can never touch your very core, your being. A superficial amusement that you will soon be tired of playing with. And you only wanted it because someone else had it first. Did you really want it for yourself? Did you even think about it before you saw the other person have it? How so very pathetic. And ultimately very immature.

That Elusive Spark

From time to time new influences enter our lives. New thoughts arise. New or old acquaintances contribute some surprising information to our daily humdrum. We notice something out of the ordinary. We perk up. We take notice. A bright light flashes across our sky of understanding.

That “something” new or different could be anything. It could be a discovery or a new strain of understanding. It could be something that we see, hear, taste, touch, or smell.

Whatever it is, something about this “something” strikes a chord in us, in our deepest awareness of existence. It rattles us. It changes the trajectory of our lives forever. Our lives will not be the same afterwards. Something hit us hard. And it will leave an ongoing impression in our being. We remember it periodically, with awe and reference.

This “something” is the spice of life. It is really what we are looking for in life. Without it there would only be monotony. There must be something in existence that wakes us from our comforting slumber. There has to be, otherwise we would still be slumbering as a single brain, single cell organism in the swamps of this planet. Something made us crawl out of the mud. Something powerful kicked us out and/or pulled us towards something greater.

Clear Eye Meditation

 

Clear Eye Meditation

You are looking at you. The eye is always looking at you. The eye is everywhere.

This image of an eye is only a representation made by me. This image is a reminder of the eye that is everywhere. Everywhere you look, there is this eye looking back at you. You are looking at a tree and it is the tree-eye looking back at you. You are looking at the sky and it is the sky-eye looking back at you.

The eye is the totality of life. The totality of existence. Wherever you look, there is you looking back at you. There is only you. You are looking at you.

If that is the case, why do you need an intermediary? Why do you need a god as an intermediary between you and the eye? Why do you need a priest, rabbi, or any other religious guide between you and the eye?

You do not need these intermediaries to feel one with life, because you are one with life. Wherever you look, there you see yourself looking back at you. There is only you.

When you look at god, you are looking at yourself. When you look at your religious guide, you are looking at yourself. There is only one, and that is you.

This graphic Eye symbol also represents the Radiant Emptiness that is the core of existence.

Inspiration

My cells need-demand-draw inspiration. My body craves it. I can feel it. It is a pulling-in sensation. It is a drawing-in sensation of energy, of love, of input that my body and mind need to nourish themselves, to gain new strengths, to feel more alive, to experience more fulfillment, more happiness (if that is the correct expression), just more and more. Not more greed, or more selfishness, or more power. But more true inner sensations of growth, fulfillment, warmth, love, connectedness, me-ness.

There is that pulling-in of more of something. What exactly that something is, I can’t identify. There is a need for this “something.” I can feel it at times when I read spiritual books, such as the Kalachakra Tantra, or the Koran. There is some energy that flows into me, and that fills some space within me that I didn’t know had a dip in its energy potential. I did not know that the “glass was not full.” With the new energy, the glass is now full, and it continues to get filled and it is overflowing into a larger vessel that overflows and fills another, larger vessel, and so on.

I can feel it flowing and flowing, filling ever larger vessels and then flowing more and more. It doesn’t stop until I move my attention away from it to some banal thing, such as playing with the dog. (I just typed “dog” the wrong way as “god”). Was this misspelling a Freudian slip or just a habit of typing the word god as I have done many times before in my writings?

The word “god” has definitely more energy for me than “dog.” “God” is a much more expanded energy than “dog.” “God” is less specific. “God” is more encompassing. “God” is a feeling that I crave more than “dog.”

In the absence of a God, everything becomes god.

If God is the creator, and if there is an absence of this creator, then the power of creation lies within everything in existence. Whatever exists, exists because it exists inherently. There are changes on the surface, such as the birth and death of forms, but underneath, on the most subtle level of existence, there is the power of creation, ongoing and everlasting.

At this level there are simple currents of polarities attracting and/or repelling each other. These shifting polarities give rise to the shifting manifestations of life. Wherever there is movement, there is life, whether it is a single-cell organism or the human form with between 40 and 50 Trillion cells. This movement is the expressive creative power of life.

The Emptiness

The emptiness is not really empty, it is filled with my presence. I am behind all the surface experiences life can conjure up. Life squeezes consciousness out of the forms it creates. It forces consciousness to emerge. Life’s will and determination brings about the sizzling experience of consciousness.

This drive is at first very rudimentary. It is self-perpetuating and leads to higher lifeforms. It wants the highest experience of consciousness to emerge like a fully developed piece of a musical symphony. The highest, the perfect, the unsurpassable, the pure, the scintillating, the blissful.

The drive – that is where the cause of it all lies. This drive is contained in every seed. The drive is in the seed; the tree emerges from the seed; the tree produces more seeds, containing more of the drive. That is how life moves forward from lower, simpler lifeforms to higher, more complex ones. Gradually. From simple to complex. From plants to animals. From animals to humans.

What comes after humans? So far, we have had several iterations of humanoids. Can there be another one? I don’t know. There will be one, if it is needed in the evolutionary drive of life.

From Noise to the Void

I have no intention of adding more noise to your head. There is most likely too much of it already. Thoughts, emotions, stories you are telling yourself about yourself and the world, pictures of life that flash through your brain. Much of it is unorganized, random, chaotic.

When you act with a purpose, then your mind focuses, and a crystal-clear image arises that you then attempt to project into the world. Your project develops and comes to completion. What then? Another project. And another. And another. You find your purpose in those projects.

Retirement from your chosen activity is not a good idea, because together with your activity, you are also losing your sense of purpose in life. This purpose anchors you, makes you happy.

What happens when the purpose in your mind stops, as in between projects or when you lose access to these projects? What do you do then with the chaos that you fall back into? How do you organize this chaos? Find a new purpose? Begin drifting from meaningless activity to meaningless activity? Fill up on drugs or alcohol to fool yourself into believing you are back at your best or even better than ever before?

The stillness you experience when you are engaged in a meaningful purpose is the only way out of the chaos. The noise turns into the void. The void, where there are no doubts, no insecurity, to hesitation, no conflict. The void, where you are truly yourself, the conscious you, the clear you, the purposeful you, the happy and blissful you.